Day 29   Sugar is Really Not Sweet At All

I'll be very, very honest with you. I am almost afraid of bring up the subject of avoiding sugar, because of the reaction I see in people's faces when I do.  I knew in my heart that it should have been the subject of my very first blog, because I  knew in my heart of hearts that it was the foundational cause of every health problem I faced. Then "why" you might say, did you not begin there? And the answer is that I was so passionate about what I was learning and how it was changing my life, and because I wanted to get the message to friends and family---those I truly loved--- I was afraid it would turn you off and you wouldn't read anything I had to say. I even fear right now that  you will stop reading and turn me off, because the subject of sugar brings out such an emotional response. And we know, unfortunately,  that our lives, including mine are driven by our emotions. By the way I do not think this is the right way to live. I think  our lives should be driven by principles, not emotions. That is the carnal struggle I face daily on this journey. When you are consuming sugar, it has a hold on your emotions almost to the point that you can't  control them.   Experts who work with people on changing their life style through diet, say that it is easier to change a person's religion than it is to break the hold that sugar has on their body. I will also add here that religion is a bad word for me. I would like to think that I am not a "religious" person, but instead Christian, or a Christ follower. But religion, I know, is a word they are using to equate something that is important in most everyone's life and it is hard to change a particular mindset. In fact they also say that many of their clients will say, "I would rather die than change"---even though it is killing them. And it is a fact that our food is emotionally attached to our mind and body, so people are actually attached to their food. For example, when I think of my mother, who has been dead for 48 years, what I remember more than anything else about her was the food she cooked. I have to think hard to remember any good times/bad times that we shared in my short 21 years with her, but I can recall almost everything she cooked and loved. Let me say first of all that she was hands down the best cook on the face of the earth. You can ask any of my brothers -in- law and they will tell you how they loved coming over before and after they were married to eat my Mama's cooking, and the same goes for Larry. Before we were married, Larry could not wait to get to my house on the weekends to eat my Mama's cooking. Like most people on dates, I would want to go get something to eat. Larry would ask if we could eat at our house and then go to an activity. And Sunday after church, there was no question that we were eating at my house. Mama loved this. She never did anything fancy for guests, she would just cook more of the usual. Of course it was "country" cooking. Fried chicken, country fried steak, mashed potatoes, garden fresh beans, peas, squash, okra, tomatoes, and corn (these were fresh or in the freezer ready to be cooked every day). And of course there was always cornbread or biscuits. We never had anything pre-made from the store like rolls---and very little sliced bread because we did not eat sandwiches at all. We might have toast if Mama didn't have time to cook biscuits, but that was rare. Then, oh my goodness---her desserts. There was three pies that we would kill for--chocolate, coconut and lemon, all made from scratch, filling cooked on the top of the stove and then baked to brown the meringue. And her cakes--- fresh coconut cake was the one I remember the most, except she had a few around holidays like Japanese fruit cake. It was only called fruit cake because it had fresh fruit in the cake.  But daddy was a "pie" man like Larry, so that is what she made the most.  I am sure you can go back and do the same thing I did--just close your eyes and remember, and I'll bet you can almost smell the food. So my emotions for my Mother are centered around food.






 I instinctively knew 48 years ago that sugar was not what I needed to eat, because I was addicted. I might have a piece of Mama's pie or cake at dinner, but I would have more before I went to bed  and maybe even the next morning for breakfast--- if I could sneak. My addiction started as a child, and I had a weight problem.  I remember going to the convenience store down the street from my house and buying two or three candy bars and eat them before I got home. I loved my sweets!! And my siblings right now can probably remember the reputation I had of coming home from school and making a couple of sandwiches to snack on. The sandwiches were made with mayonnaise on one side of the bread, peanut butter on the other side of the bread and a banana in the middle, covered with as much sugar as I could get to stick to the  peanut butter. Oh my, I can just remember how good that sandwich tasted. Now there is another "sister" memory that is very real to me, but I am not sure is real to them.  They were both quite slim, and they decided to make sure I knew I was overweight. So they agreed to pay each other a quarter (twenty-five cents), if either forgot to call me "blubber" instead of Dereatha. I really do not know how long this went on. One day would have been enough to literally scar me for life. I remember it as if it were yesterday. If I think about it too long, I begin to cry. In fact I am crying right now. To them it was a joke and they had no idea what it did to me.  In fact, a few years ago, I decided I needed to clear this bad memory up, so I told them about how it affected me and I was hoping that their reaction would help to heal my wound, but it didn't. They laughed and I'm not sure they even remembered the incident so I just told myself that it was stupid of me to even remember it myself and I forgave them anyway. I just use the hurtful memory now to remind myself of how sugar had such a hold on my little developing body, and how I have to break that bondage. But as I became a teen, I did not have a weight problem because I was very active, and when most teen bodies mature, especially girls, there is an almost natural weight loss. But I still had the craving from that childhood, so I knew I did not want to carry on the "sweets" tradition into my marriage. This was easy because Larry was not a real "sweets eater."  He liked sweets, but could control the urges and a very small piece of pie, or cake with the icing scraped off, satisfied him completely. No problem, I ate MY cake and HIS  icing, because I had no control. So we ate sweets when we went to Mama's house.


I controlled my weight pretty good until I got pregnant with Doug. Not sure how much I gained, but I remember that  I was so disappointed that I had to wear maternity clothes for several months after he was born. I never lost all the weight until I got pregnant with Brad. This time I was hiding the fact that I was pregnant  from my principal. Right after I was hired, I found out I was pregnant. Now this will tell you how old I am. In those days you could not teach (stand before students) and be pregnant, because I guess it was being a poor example. Who knows where and how strange rules come into being. Any way, I did not want to have to resign, so I purposely told no one, and I watched what I ate. I ate nutritiously (probably better than anytime in my life before now), but I left off all the fattening foods. Long story short, I only gained seven pounds during that pregnancy and Brad weighted seven pounds and nine ounces. So I was actually smaller after I birthed him that I was before I got pregnant. It was wonderful, but short lived. So I was seven months pregnant before I had to resign. I know you are wondering how I kept it a secret from my school environment for so long. First of all there was no social media, so everyone did not know everything about me, and second of all I worked in a district a long way from where I lived. I was also a new teacher, in a strange town with no history and no friends. I car pooled with two other teachers who worked in different schools in the same district, so I arrived at school a few minutes before school started and left as soon as school was over, in order to "catch" my ride. This worked out great because we only had one car.   As a new teacher I did not have a planning period most weeks, because I had to keep "study hall". So I basically had no interaction with other teachers, and I didn't really work at it because I knew I would be quitting as soon as someone "found out". So since I was losing weight instead of gaining weight, and being able to wear the same clothes, no one knew. And they were shocked when I had to say good-bye because I was pregnant. I probably could have kept it a secret longer but I had a student come into class one day and announce that she had the German measles. I freaked out because I was too stupid to know that German measles could only effect pregnancy in the first trimester. So now with no restrictions, I went back to the sugar addiction that was hovering over me the whole time.




I tell this story because I want to illustrate what a hold sugar had on my life and now I have to face the fact that it is an addiction. When, and if, you choose to break your addiction as part of your journey when you hear what sugar does to you, you will have to face emotional struggles with the people around you.  It may not be an emotional struggle with your past like me, but I can guarantee that you that I  face strong emotional situations every time I encounter people where there is food involved. Just this past weekend, I was visiting my son Doug and daughter-in-law Rhonda. When we go to Ohio, food is the fare. They live in a city that is just phenomenal when it comes to restaurants. They know that we like unique setting in restaurants--outdoors, building with unique architecture, skyline views, or special music. And it is also a growing metropolis so it seems that there is a contest to see how many new, unique, restaurants they can design in Columbus. Also add to that the fact that Doug and Rhonda love exploring new foods and new restaurants. This all creates the perfect storm of killing my good eating habits. Now I am blessed that they understand my journey, so they do not sabotage all my efforts to "be good". In fact they pick wonderful restaurants where you have healthy choices. So when I was there this week, the battle was not the restaurants or the food as such, the battle was over eating "weird" in my eyes and the emotions I attached to that situation. I did not go into the situation thinking I was going to eat like I do at home. I'm not that naïve. So even though I could order salads, non-fried foods, etc, I know there are lots of hidden sugars in "good" food. Now overall, according to what I ate, I felt really good about myself. But there was an emotional battle going on inside because I really wanted to eat what I considered bad food and also not let my selection be an issue in public. But like I said, they understood what was going on and I was not under any pressure other than the pressure I was feeling inside. This was really easy, I just want you to understand that the addiction is real and that there is an emotional struggle. The real emotional struggle to me is when I face eating situation with people who are not my family, and do not understand enough of my journey to support me. Next situation.




I was feeling out a situation last week with a friend who has heard about my journey, but I'm not sure how much he knew.  I was not officially inviting them to my house to eat, but I was prepared to do just that at the end of the conversation. When I was fishing around about his likes and dislikes, he made a remark that stopped me in my tracks. He said, "O I hear you don't eat fried foods and sweets" and a couple of other comments. By the end of the conversation I did not invite them because I was going through an emotional time on the inside and spontaneously questioning my decision to be healthy, simply because I have to be a little "different". I have not learned all the right things to say on the spot. It is coming, though. In fact my response to that remark was, "Well I try not to eat fried food or sweets,  but I am not perfect at it", to which he laughed and everything was fine. I only mention it because I want you to see my whole story and my struggles as I face life trying to be healthy. It would not be so bad, but it happens so often. And it is worse when they say things like, "You know just one won't hurt", or "you're gonna die anyway". Only when I am eating in my own house with my own husband am I completely at peace with my new way of life, and that is most of the time. Although my strong addiction is gone, I realize at any moment it could flip. Now before I go into how it can flip so easily, I want to say how pleased I am to have some of my blog followers who are my greatest cheerleaders on this journey. I have a close friend who is on the journey with me and that is a blessing. I also have Larry who is on board and understands me completely. My children and grandchildren are also understanding of my journey, even though they don't agree,  so I do not have to fight  that battle.  I have a safe harbor, and that means the world to me. I would want that for everyone.





So how did I become addicted? Isn't sugar sweet and good? Did God not create corn that makes corn syrup? Did God not make sugar cane that gives us white sugar? How did it get perverted? And that my friend is the next blog.  Just hang in here with me and see what day 30 brings. I don't know about you, but I was really shocked to see what caused my addiction and why like all addicts, I had to change my lifestyle to change my life. I certainly hope you will hang with me, hear me out and change your life. I can promise you that you can free yourself from this addiction and be healthy and happy.  Follow me on the journey and we will learn together. Sugar is sweet, but not to our bodies. It is addictive and poisonous.